I have long been a fan of that famed Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza (sometimes seen in the wild bearing the moniker “Hawaiian”), and for this gustatory leaning, I have taken much social abuse. It seems there is a large sector of our society (indeed, perhaps a majority) which decries the use of fruit on pizza.
Considering only from the top of my head, I cannot think of any other fruit (in the popular rather than the botanical sense) which oft toppings a pizza. Perhaps it is simply this uniqueness exhibited by the pineapple which causes so much petty yet bilious animosity in otherwise convivial gourmands; people may simply fear the singular beauty exampled by the delicious Ananas comosus.
What’s more, this animosity seems to be entirely one-sided; I have heard of none campaigning for any pineapple quota mandate, yet many are highly vocal about its complete removal from all pizza-form comestibles. Is this animosity inherent in pineapple-on-pizza detractors or is their argumentative behavior always brought forth by the opposite side’s “How is it that such an otherwise rational and likable person as yourself can have a distaste for and, further, disparage that most companionable of toppings, the sweet, tart, and generically delectable pineapple?
Having only questions but no answers, I open the floor to spirited debate about the issue.
Resolved: that those who dislike pineapple as a pizza topping should fulfill their heart’s deepest desire and go marry that goat they’ve been dreaming of so longingly. That and that they suck.
You knew I had to post this. And, no, it doesn’t really have anything to do with falling in love with a goat. But a Sudanese man was forced to marry a goat after he was caught having sex with it.
Isn’t that priceless? Read the last sentence of the previous paragraph again. “But a Sudanese man was forced to marry a goat after he was caught having sex with it.” Yes, I know, there are websites dedicated to this phenomenon, but we’re talking about a real life man having sex with a real life goat, ostensibly without the intention of taking pictures and posting them to the Internet.
Anyway, the goat’s owner hears a loud noise out back, goes out there, and finds this dude deflowering his goat. The man was ordered to pay a dowry to the goat’s owner, and possession of the goat was exchanged.
But let’s go back to how the goat’s owner finds out about this. “Honey, do you hear that? It sounds like something is scaring the hell out of the goat. I’m going to go check it out; I’ll be back in a minute.” Thirty seconds or so of travel time to the goat’s location follows, and then BAM! You see some dude mounting your goat.
And you know the conclusion wasn’t drawn instantly. It’s not like the guy walks out there and immediately thinks, “Oh my God, that guy is having sex with my goat!” It had to be something like, “What in the hell is that behind the goat? Is that a guy back there? What is he looking for? Wait, what is he doing to my goat? Oh my God, that guy is having sex with my goat!”
I’ll let the goat’s owner wrap up this tale:
“When I asked him: ‘What are you doing there?’, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up”.
Priceless.